Tag Archives: fitness

Like really kick ass sex with no orgasm.

Every once in a while, I need to stroke my ego a bit and just be fuckin amazed with how far my body has come. A few years ago, I would have never dreamed of going to a hot yoga class. But now, after derby, Body Pump, MMA, why would I be afraid of any physical activity? So $5 Fridays at a new hot yoga studio? Fuck yeah. I’m going.

It was the best. Ever.

Like, really kick ass sex with no orgasm; you’re both so mentally in tune with each other that just the sweaty, beautiful sex is all you need. That’s what hot yoga is like. There’s a lovely scent in the room and every body is pouring sweat and the lights are dim, so you can’t really see. It’s just you and this beautiful black man’s soothing voice. At the end, the beautiful black man brings you a cold towel sprits with more of that lovely scent and I swear I almost cried. I felt, so fucking good.

I loved that I could do every pose without needing a break and not once did I need to breath through my mouth from exhaustion. I haven’t needed to think about Bertha in a long while, maybe she likes feeling kick ass too.


All the derby

I’ve now got about 5 scrimmages under my belt including one rookie rumble. I really wish I’d written a post right after I finished it, because it felt so amazing seeing all all my kick ass coaches reffing with shit eating grins on their face the whole time. I felt I could really get things accomplished blocking against jammers that needed a little more time – I forced a couple cut tracks and even delivered a couple hits.

I’ve noticed a few improvements in my game over the last few weeks. Firstly,

I’m less hands-y. I don’t have to use my arms for balance so much, though I still have a long way to go in this area.

I was not blocked out once while jamming. I think I will keep this a goal for ever. I will stay strong and solid and tire the shit out of their blockers. Then I will build on that foundation and try to get some explosive speed worked in. I was also far less tied this time post jamming.

Egg catching. Blocking against super strong, fast jammers like Lock Jaw, it hurts to try and stop her dead, then as you’re recovering from the hit, she blows through you. I think that there were a few times that our team really caught her well and stopped her for a few seconds.

Immediate goals to work on:

Using my team. I leave each jam either thinking that I accomplished something, or I didn’t. I think that’s the problem right there. I need to feel ONE with my team. Since I’m not on one yet, I don’t know everyone’s style and forget to use names or forget what to say. I think this will just take time. But next time, I’m going to stick to my partner and try to talk more.

Hits. I’ve had the goal for a while to hit one person a game. Sometimes I do, mostly I don’t. Timing is so hard and our jammers are so fast. But I have caused a couple sneaky cut tracks where I gently push them out and hold them there. Those are effective because they can’t help but get the penalty, but still, more hitting bitches needed.

My first real bout is Sunday. An invitational with lots of rookies on both sides. I’m so excited!
After every scrimmage I think “I wish I could do this again tomorrow.” I want all the derby!


It’s close.

Last week rocked. It rocked my socks off. A full practice of hitting and blocking and 25 in 5:15 as a pack (which left me with a hope that if we weren’t staying as a pack I might have made it). I love hitting, I feel like a fighter getting amped up before going in the ring. My timing has gotten better too. We practiced hip hits slowly with a parter stepping in front and using that step to springboard us up into their leg. Seemed super impossible for me in the one on one drills. But when putting it in a pace line, something just clicked. My second time through I was hitting consistently and it felt really natural. This of course is the most un natural setting for lining up hits, but we have to start somewhere,

Oh, and shit, after all of my whining at how much I suck at everything, I have to brag about my epic ass. It’s good – it’s really good. I can’t wait to actually scrimmage to see if it holds up against a real jammer totally laying it on, but I’ve got those C cuts down, I have the wiggle, and anyone jamming against me gets knocked off their balance right away. I love it, other than how incredibly exhausting it is.

I’ve had the flu for about two weeks now and it’s almost depressing me. The gym in Monday killed me and I’ve taken the last two days off. I hate it, everyday that passes that I don’t work on endurance could mean another week that I don’t get my laps. The weather is almost nice enough to path skate, I love it. Outdoor path skating every day will be huge for me. I’m thinking, 30 minutes skate with my babe, 1.5 at the gym, 30 minutes skate home, things will really start to improve. Did I mention I lost 7 lbs? No big deal.

Plank 50 sec
Inverted 1 min


Frugal exercising

So I was heartbroken to miss derby this weekend. I arranged two different babysitters for two toddlers and was prepared for the whole day endeavour that is my two hour roller derby practice. Of course two days before my dog cut her leg and on saturday night it occurred to me that I couldn’t leave her along with her cone. So practice was cancelled. This unexpected horrible accident happening to my dog also cost me the $850 health credit that my husband’s insurance provides that I was going to use for new equipment and personal training from a kick ass fireball of fitness that is Sparkle Motion. Now I can’t and I’m pissed at the whole situtation. There is a little money left over to buy my some new Atom Stroker Slims so updates on how those work out for a big girl on a sticky floor to follow.

But here’s what is working for me: at Goodlife Fitness, if you volunteer for 8-10 hours a month in the child care room you get a free unlimited membership to everything at the gym. 11-14 hours and you also get free childcare (this is what I’m doing). So for the last three weeks, almost every day I’ve been at the gym. This is just who I am now, I eat well and I train. I love it. Every day that I’m there I can feel and see myself getting better. This is most definitely the best shape I’ve been in in my life. It is still no where close to fit, but it’s great. The BodyFlow class I did today felt amazing – like a massage. Not like a workout, just a really good strech. Downward dog does actually feel like a resting position to me now and I can move somewhat fluidly through the positions and keep up with the instuctor. I didn’t even have to take any of the easier options (it was a super easy class and I’m sure to get my ass kicked at BodyPump on Monday – I’m not getting cocky yet). Side note, our instructor looked like a regular person. I love it.

Another side note: I’m enormous. Like, seriously. I’m cut from a very different cloth from these other girls. Looking at myself in the mirror in class next to everyone else, I look like someone just blew up a slightly chubby person. Sometimes I forget and it almost makes my laugh. In the end, I want to look powerful and instil fear and awe. Like an amazon. There is no other path for me now.


Feeling stronger

So last week I only got 21.5 laps and that was with trying out different wheels that I was secretly hoping would fix all of my problems. But something amazing happened. I was totally cool with it. I pushed my hardest, I had a great vet cheering me on, I did great physical activity everyday that week, I did everything I could have possibly done to achieve my success. The only thing I can’t change is the time it takes for my body to get stronger and have those skills I keep learning become natural. Of course I’m full of disappointment when I fail and I know exactly why I failed and I could have possibly prevented that failure. This Sunday, there literally wasn’t anything I could have done differently to prevent my failure. So I had nothing to feel bad about and I could totally enjoy my practice. This week has been full of going to the gym, strength training with a satisfying push/pull program that I found on the interent, and eating quite clean. Huge happy moments of my day: found a cucumber in the fridge (no, its not what you think) so that I can have awesome juice tomorrow, I can stretch my quads so good that I can touch my heel to my ass while having perfect balance for 30 seconds, one of my favourite authors put out a new novel today that I read in one sitting:

Check it out.Bride of Frankenstein (kick ass erotica. Seriously.)

I have awesome taste in books, I promise.

And as I finish this post, a thought creeps in that I’m glad I forgot. I apparently gained weight in the last 3 weeks. According to my mom’s wii fit I was X and feeling ok with it, then after an awesome 3 weeks I was sure that I had at least lost some. Nope, gained a pound. I’m chalking this up to my mom’s inaccurate wii fit system; still, I was really feeling like I was going to look at that scale and see numbers that would make my day. Meh, the point is still there: “I was really feeling like…” I feel kick ass. I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. Wishing I was further along is pointless. But I do still wish I won’t get left behind, I love my girls.

Stormborn out.


The new year

Ive never been much of a believer that a new year will bring anything fresh to your life. Times don’t get better, you get better. So let’s just say that I need to get better and now that Christmas is over I have time to. Derby has gotten to the point where I still can be a little proud of the goals I’m achieving, but being so close to my next big step is killing me. I just can’t cross over to thinking and acting like an athlete and that’s keeping me from benchmarking. There’s no frustrating mystery here, I don’t work out every day and always eat right so I’m not fit enough to get my laps. Knowledge of solution is grasped. I was always frustrated with those girls at practice who would complain of shin splints and show up to skate once a month. I am not one of those girls; I’m dedicated, but a whole lifetime of physical apathy is hard to squash. But I want nothing more than this, so I will win.

Writing resume for gym volunteering, then it’s the AMT machine for me. I will benchmark by Jan 26. I need to skate twice a week and fresh meat don’t get to. I need to scrimmage. I want to be in Flat Track Fever in May. That one might be reaching, but whatever. It’s my blog.